The Canada Canal

Britain recently announced the inauguration of the King Charles III England Coast Path National Trail, which will allow walkers to completely circle the coastline of England. It will be 2,700 miles long when completed. The trail does not go all the way around the coastline of Scotland or Wales, but—whatever. Just England.

My first thought was: how lovely. Wouldn’t David Attenborough be proud?

My next thought was: we could almost do that. We have the Pacific Coast on the west, the Atlantic Ocean on the east, and the Arctic Ocean up above. Just not quite the full circle.

Unless.

Unless!!

We dig a giant trench between Canada and that neighbouring country to the south of us. A canal. There is the Panama Canal, and this could be the Canada Canal.

Digging the Canada Canal would not be nearly as much work as creating a walkway around the rest of Canada, since those other sides are packed with mountains, rocks, trees, and vast inlets and outlets. The canal, in fact, would have lots of easy, flat places—all across the bottom of Saskatchewan, Manitoba, and Ontario.

The canal would merge with the Great Lakes and easily follow along or drift into the St. Lawrence River. To get the water running, we would have to start at the west end or the east end. But we could start in the middle, the easy stretch, just to get the momentum going.

There could be big celebrations as the various sections were joined up. Sort of like the Last Spike. Yes, the railroads were said to unite our vast country. So would the Canada Canal!

Never mind the walkway—you could take your boat, preferably a powerboat, and cheerfully travel the horizontal length of Canada. Someone would build marinas along the way, so that you could dock for the night and enjoy the local hospitality, including local food specialties: Saskatoon berry pie in Saskatchewan, Nanaimo bars in BC, steak in Alberta—and local wines, too. Quebec! Poutine! Maple syrup!

There would have to be some sort of constabulary created: the North West Amphibian Police. Because, after all, this would be on an international boundary, and goodness knows what kinds of smuggling rackets and black marketeering could crop up.

Also, there would have to be a Canal Expropriation Commission set up. If you simply donated your chunk of land along the route, you could get a nifty income tax credit—and your name on a plaque somewhere along the route.

You could buy T-shirts for the whole family saying: I Canoed the Entire Canada Canal. Or: I Canoed a Goodly Bit of the Canada Canal.

I think the canal portion would be the most popular part of the entire Canada shoreline circle, since it would be within easy driving distance for the majority of Canadians—and likely have better weather for it.

This is a doable project. It is not going to be as deep as the Mariana Trench, for goodness’ sake. It just has to be wide enough and deep enough for, say, a medium-sized cruise ship. Because, well, wouldn’t it be nice to go on an ocean cruise through the prairies and the Rockies? To see the deer and the antelope play through the little porthole in your cabin? Or watch whooping cranes fly by?

How hard could this really be? It is just digging a hole in the dirt. Just quite a long hole. A ditch, actually. How much engineering is needed for that?

I suppose if it is just dug into the dirt, you would need to dredge it from time to time. Maybe a lot.

But! Fish would get into the canal, and you could fish off the banks. You would be out there in your bib waders, waving at the cruise ships passing by—and the canoeists. So much fun.

Just to get things rolling, I have investigated what this would cost. Apparently, you can get trenching done for around $10 a linear foot. Since Canada has 2,844.9 miles between Vancouver and Montreal, that amounts to just over 15 million linear feet. At $10 a foot, we can get this started for a mere $150 million.

Of course, we would want it a bit wider and a bit deeper than what those $10-a-foot trenching folks are used to. It would be more costly chiselling out the canal through the Rockies and the Canadian Shield than casually scooping out the parts south of Moose Jaw and Swift Current.

You must admit, though—it could be done.

And aren’t we the can-do country?

Eh?

Just remember: you heard it here first.